I
If I had a knife as sharp as your wit
I could split hairs and even atoms with it.
If I had a razor as sharp as your wit
I could shave babies bottoms with it.
If I had a needle as sharp as your wit
I’d need a titanium thimble to sew with it.
But lacking such things I must be blunt,
And for a noble rejoinder cease to hunt:
If I had a sword as sharp as your wit,
I’d have long ago cut off your head with it!
II
If I had a knife as sharp as your wit
I couldn’t even cut mouldy fruit with it.
If I had a razor as sharp as your wit
I couldn’t shave elephants’ legs with it.
If I had a needle as sharp as your wit
Even desperate crack addicts wouldn’t bother with it.
Your wit, to be blunt, is incredibly dull
Just listening to you talk hurts my skull
And if I had a sword as sharp as your wit
I’d just have to bludgeon you quiet with it!
III
I've searched in every village, town and city
And never found anyone else so witty
All in all, it's rather a pity.
---
Poem by Jonathan Robinson (c) 2012
Pic from http://www.idiomeanings.com/idioms/sharp-as-a-tack/
